IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say History in one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important that History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In my opinion. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
 I think every
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject

The singular quantifier every is followed by the plural noun subjects. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

show examples
 is important for us. We have to learn everything through our past, present and future. Some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 say that History is one of the most important school subjects it's true but it has to go
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 today's world which is
science
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
Technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. How can we move without our history, the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 behind us "The ancient
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

" is the most powerful
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who
pushes
Change the verb form
push

The singular verb pushes does not appear to agree with the plural subject the most powerful people. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
 us to move forward.
The
Correct your spelling
They

The word The doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 taught us how to fire
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun light in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
light, How to find
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun food in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
, How to
lives
Wrong verb form
live

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb lives. Consider changing it.

show examples
 with
other
Correct pronoun usage
others

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
 and animals, How to survive and others. Of
course
Add a comma
,course

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Of course. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
 we wouldn't know that without them.
Science
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
Technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are important too. They give us a chance to move forward with them. Without
Science
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Technology
Add a comma
,Technology

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Without Science and Technology. Consider adding a comma.

show examples
 we're just
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
normally
Change the word
normal

Normally seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

show examples
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human

It seems that humans may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 being. We spend our daily life with no useful. Without them we have no light we have no food, we have no comfortable stuff and things. Old
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 can
survived
Change the verb form
survive

The verb survived after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 without these things. Humans
creates
Change the verb form
create

The singular verb creates does not appear to agree with the plural subject Humans. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
 lots of invention to give
an unlimited wants
Correct the article-noun agreement
unlimited wants
an unlimited want

The indefinite article an may not be required with the plural noun wants in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 based on a limited government. May I gives one example of the development of
science
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
Technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 With
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 two things
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
give us a chance to be a member of ASEAN “Association of South East Asia Nation” we can be able to communicate with the other 9 countries with
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 high
technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, it
help
Change the verb form
helps

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb help are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

show examples
 us to be a TEAMWORK with the 9 other countries to develop our country. help us in terms of transportation, communication, collaboration etc.
it
Correct your spelling
It

The word it doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 can definitely
held
Change the verb form
hold

The verb held after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 on to that hope that in the near future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Historical perspective
  • Analytical skills
  • Contextual understanding
  • Technological advancements
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics)
  • Innovation
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Job market
  • Climate crisis
  • Cultural identity
  • Critical thinking
  • Humanities
  • Contemporary issues
  • Integration
  • Tech-savvy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: