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Drug abuse is becoming a problem in our society. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

#drug #abuse #society
Today, It can be seen that
drug
 problems are increasing in many countries around the world. which greatly affects the economy and national security. In
this
 article, I will discuss the causes and solutions to
this
 problem.
Firstly
, the environment of their lives, financial liquidity and family well-being are the main factors that can cause problems. Family is the key to supporting and encouraging individuals. People who grow up in poor
families
 there is little education about
drug
 abuse,
there
Correct word choice
and there
show examples
 is no knowledge of the disadvantages of
drug
 use. They rarely notice the consequences of
drug
 addiction.
Secondly
,
families
 whose parents often argue and hurt each other, leading to an unsafe environment for family members, causing some teenagers to imitate bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 aggressive and hurt others or for some people to have a need to escape from that society by using drugs, play social media in a bad way or choose to make
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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bad friends.
Although
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays the
drug
 problem is increasing,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe it can still be solved
is
Correct your spelling
if
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 supported by all parties, the whole family and the government.
Families
 or parents should pay attention and need to observe the activity and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of their children.
moreover
 The government should have strict measures that can help children and support their
families
such
 as setting financial policies to support family finances and children's education. In conclusion,
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become a big problem for society.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 can be solved by cooperation from family institutions and government support In providing education and
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 the community.
Submitted by amittawin on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific and varied examples to support your main ideas. This will make your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a range of linking devices to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
General
Work on sentence structure and punctuation to help clarify your points and make the essay easier to read. Simple errors can sometimes detract from the overall quality of your writing.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion were clearly presented, providing a good framework for your essay.
Task Achievement
You engaged with the question directly, making sure to address both the causes and solutions to the drug abuse problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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