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Band 4

Drug abuse is becoming a problem in our society. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

#drug #abuse #society
The
problem
 in our society is
drug
 abuse because people have completely done it as a normal lifestyle. The
problem
 with
this
 is that most of them are highly addictive converting the consumer into an addict. Increasing the number of
drug
 addicts in a community
also
 increases the percentage of criminals in the population.
Overall
, everyone should be aware of using
drugs
 not only individuals but
also
 the government too. First of all, using
drugs
 is
also
 an illegal activity in many countries. the number of criminals is rising significantly and the world news reported that 99% of criminals are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
addicted
drugs
Change preposition
to drugs
show examples
. addiction to
drug
Fix the agreement mistake
drugs
show examples
 affect to community directly
such
 as the relationship of neighbourhoods, it will scare each other at the time and
effected
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 to mental health of people in their society. To find a solution to
this
problem
,
firstly
 the individual can minimize consumption by taking basic steps
such
 as doing sports because it is easy to do and staying far away from the community of
drugs
 .
For example
, in the USA, 98% of
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
 are healthy and do not need
drugs
 for entertainment.
Secondly
, the government can support by announcing regulation of ban
drugs
 and promoting health campaigns
such
 as building public parks for communities To recapitulate,
although
drug
 abuse is a serious
problem
 in today’s world, if people love themselves and need to live long they will always choose the good things.
Therefore
, everyone will enjoy a healthy life.
Submitted by amittawin on

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task response
Your introduction should be more engaging and clearly outline what you will discuss in the essay. Try to draw the reader in from the start.
task response
Some points are underdeveloped, which may impact the reader's ability to fully understand your arguments. Ensure you expand on each point and provide detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Remember to proofread your essay to correct small grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This can enhance clarity and reader comprehension.
task response
You have identified relevant causes of drug abuse and suggested practical solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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