IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
Looking at the task below, which
is concerning
Wrong verb form
concerns
show examples
 the balance between
time
 and
money
, it's evident the way in which two wide views give the opportunity to think, evaluate and express our proper opinion about it.
To begin
 with, the first view is related to the positive side
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 rich but with less leisure
time
 a disposition,
therefore
, it's crucial to consider many circumstances, before declaring an idea.
Therefore
, most people in
this
 world, nowadays, are aware that
money
 is quite essential for our existence and futuristic
life
 too,
also
 for those who are under our responsibility,
such
 as the family. To let them live a regular
life
 or to achieve their goals,
money
 is the motor for these departures, Yet without it nothing is realisable. Here it is,
for instance
, the reason why people prefer having
money
 to free
time
. In comparison, we find those who are living their
life
 paying most of their attention on what is the
time
 that they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 with their family first and for themselves as follows. From their point of view,
money
 is not everything and they try to find benefits on a balanced plan, or rather having the
money
 for the necessities, privileging the importance of
time
. From my personal experience, after having compared and analysed what is relevant, I declare to agree with those who put in first place the beauty of freedom, rather than
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
show examples
 live their
life
, running behind
money
. One clear example is
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, anytime that I had
money
, my happiness wan not
existed
Wrong verb form
exist
show examples
; today, I'm happy to have less
money
 but be free to spend my
time
 how better I prefer. In conclusion, after several observations, it's crucial to highlight the importance of
life
, keeping in
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mind that we not going to have another one, so we should stay with who we love and love
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by veronicalindiner1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more focused.
task achievement
The response is adequate, but specific examples can enhance the clarity and depth of the ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: