IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most countries have traditional celebrations that occur annually. In your opinion, what benefits do these celebrations have for society? Support your opinion with reasons and example from your own Knowledge and experience.

#countries #celebrations #society #support
Annual old-school celebrations are common in many countries. I believe despite a few drawbacks, these events have beneficial outcomes for society. Celebrating events with annual reoccurring is a worldwide tradition.
Therefore
 the most important disadvantage of
such
 events is the huge amount of costs they lay on the
government
's shoulders.
While
 these costs were paid by the
government
, they originally came from taxpayers' pockets.
Although
 many enjoy the annual occasions, there are some
people
 who do not enjoy
such
 occurrences even though they paid the same amount of tax. The
government
 should address these concerns as they are
also
 a part of the community.
However
, I believe
such
 matters could benefit society in many ways.
Firstly
, these country-wide gatherings could result in the reconnection of
people
 with their culture. As communities attend to
such
 matters, social health and attitudes grow exponentially. These reoccurrences provide a hub for
people
 to socialize with more ease.
Secondly
,
due to
 the importance of these traditions, the
government
 lays out compatible holidays.
Such
 holidays are needed for
people
 to keep their work-life balance. Spending time distant from work is an important issue to consider for better mental health.
Also
,
people
 can go on trips and gather with their distant relatives which is another ideal situation for socializing. In conclusion, despite the mentioned drawback I believe making time to connect with culture, tradition, and family
besides
 obligating
people
 to distance themselves from work could be beneficiary for the whole society.
Submitted by amirhossein1376 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: