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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Although parents are responsible for raising a child, outside influence plays a key role in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#parents #child #influence #role #development
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It is widely claimed that
parents
Use synonyms
 should have a responsibility to take care of their children.
However
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, external factors are another main influence on the
child
Use synonyms
's development. I totally agree with the statement, and my support will be elaborated
in
Change preposition
on in
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this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it might be reasonable for some to believe that individuals who are responsible for
child
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 raising should be both father and mother.
This
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 is probably because
parents
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 give birth to the
child
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 with their willingness and readiness.
However
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, I personally believe that there are several outside influences which affect how a
child
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 grows up.
Parents
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 are able to fully take care of their
child
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 solely at the age before he/she studies at school. When students go to school or to the outside world, there are numerous factors which
parents
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 are unable to control
such
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 as friends, social media, and the internet.
Furthermore
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, teenagers
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
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 to their friends,
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as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a
result
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,result
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 they will trust their peers more than their
parents
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 and may perform some extreme behaviours which
parents
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 cannot avoid.
For example
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, when I was a teenager, even though my
parents
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 prohibited me to sleep over at my friend’s house, I still did it because I was convinced by my friends. In conclusion,
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nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
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 it is the main duty of
parents
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 to raise their
child
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, I am of the opinion that outside factors
also
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 play a main role in how a
child
Use synonyms
 is developed.
Submitted by Partofyourworld on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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