IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people better education. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
People have different views about how to solve
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 of
crime
. In many countries,
prison
 is
solution
Correct article usage
a solution
show examples
 to tackle
violences
Change the wording
violence
acts of violence
outbreaks of violence
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
education
 is more effective to reduce
crime-rate
Correct your spelling
crime rate
show examples
. I firmly agree that better quality of
education
 will be the best overcome to solve
crime
 issues.
This
 essay will elaborate
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
 and provide an example. Let’s start by looking at
prison
 as not a good idea to solve
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 of
crime
.
Prison
 just provides
solution
Add an article
a solution
the solution
show examples
 for
Correct article usage
a short-time
show examples
short-time
Correct your spelling
short time
show examples
, because there are more possibilities to repeat offenders. Take Mexico as a sample, their government either detention or rehabilitation of drug abuse cases, but they do
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 thing in the next future.
Hence
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prisoning to solve
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 of
crime
 it is not
well
Add an article
a well
the well
show examples
solution
 for
long-time
Correct article usage
a long-time
show examples
 and it should be considered to determine
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 to tackle a
crime
. Turning to the
solve
Replace the word
solution
show examples
 for
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
crime
 in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Education
 is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way to decrease
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 in
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
 good
education
 in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
, they are taught in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class how to be a good person and avoid to do
crime
 in the social fabric. In fact, the result is effective to reduce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 in
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
.
For example
, Finland has the best quality of
education
 in the world, and
their
Change the word
the
show examples
country
 has succeeded to reduce
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
, and even almost zero
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 each year
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.
Thus
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
improving better
education
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 inline to contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reducing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
Consequently
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
applying
prison
 in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 just give
solution
Add an article
a solution
show examples
 for the sort-time, because it can not alter offenders’ behaviour. Meanwhile, by providing good quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
, the
country
 can invest to reduce
crime
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
What to do next:
Look at other essays: