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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that criminal behavior can have genetic reasons, while others believe that only circumstances can lead some people to crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, the main reason
of
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for
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 criminal activities is a contentious topic. some people contend that genetic reasons can be the major reason,
while
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 others argue that they are mainly
due to
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 the effect of their environments. it is my belief that both of these views are partially right. On the one hand, it is proven that genetics exert a big influence on the different aspects of our lives.
For instance
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, in terms of chronic ailments, if your
parents
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 or even one member of your extended family is suffering from a type of cancer, it considerably increases your risk of that particular cancer or even other kinds
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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that are related to a specific gene.
Moreover
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, recent research has shown that our
parents
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' intelligence has a profound impact on our intelligence because of our mutual genetics.
That is
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 to say that the higher intelligence your
parents
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 are the more smart you are.
However
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, I firmly believe that our genetics are not able to control our behaviours or make us commit crimes
such
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 as kidnapping or murder.
On the other hand
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, it is an inexorable fact that the environment can be a considerable cause of crimes.
firstly
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 children who are being brought up in both families and neighbourhoods which are teaming with individuals who are addicted to drugs are more likely to fall prey to people who desire to abuse them.
Secondly
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, if children have
parents
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 who are on a tight budget and are not capable of meeting their needs, I think they are prone to
do
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commit
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 crimes
such
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 as pickpocketing and robbery.
However
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, the environment cannot force anyone to do illicit activities. In conclusion, I strongly believe that neither the former nor the letter's thoughts are not completely accurate. I'm convinced that none of them are the main case and both can just have a partial impact on them.

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the topic and presents both views effectively. However, it could benefit from a more balanced and nuanced approach to each perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall structure, but there are issues with the usage of transition words and the logical flow of ideas. Work on creating smoother paragraph transitions and maintaining logical progression throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • predisposed
  • genetic components
  • aggression
  • impulsivity
  • empathy
  • socio-economic factors
  • broken homes
  • peer pressure
  • nature versus nurture
  • interplay
  • mental health
  • undiagnosed
  • untreated
  • community support programs
  • educational opportunities
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