IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below show how people in a European city reached their office and got back home in 1959 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

This
Linking Words
 graph depicts how citizens in European cities reached their work and got back home in the period between 1959 and 2009.
According to
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 what is shown,
it is clear that
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 in the 50th
people
Use synonyms
 preferred to go to their office on
foot
Use synonyms
 as the average was 55%, which means half of the
people
Use synonyms
 there were walking on their
foot
Use synonyms
,
while
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 in the earlier 20th the first choice was by their own car as the ratio reached to 35%,
however
Linking Words
 in 1959 the second choice was by buses, train and another way of transportation, as the average of
people
Use synonyms
 who preferred to uses these ways 15%,
while
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 in 2009 the second option was on their
foot
Use synonyms
 which there was 25% of
people
Use synonyms
 went to their office by
foot
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, in 2009
people
Use synonyms
 did not use buses, trains, and other ways of transportation, which is why the ratio was low between 12% to 15%.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in 1959 European
people
Use synonyms
 walked a lot, as in 2009 the ratio of walking had declined to more than half.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, foot with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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