IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Smokers have rights too, so they should be allowed to smoke in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#smokers #rights #smoke #places
Some people thought that person, who
smoke
Correct subject-verb agreement
smokes
show examples
, is
also
human
Correct article usage
a human
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 who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 rights and
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
, allowed to smoke cigarettes in public areas. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
further
 I will explain
this
 with two strong reasons.
To begin
 with, more and more people are starting to use tobacco,
as a result
, they are smoking in public places. They might argue that when they are smoking, we are just consuming fuel which is totally different from real cigarettes. Researchers, in spite of
this
, already approved
Correct word choice
that second
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second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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 smoking is similar to smoke directly. 
Furthermore
, maybe they can oppose the idea can not smoking in public areas, they have human rights.
However
, when they are doing
this
 action, they are violating
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 right. In the second place, public smoking will enhance and normalize the idea, smoking is
normal
Add an article
a normal
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 thing,
to
Change preposition
for
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 teenagers and young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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.
As a result
,
smokers
Correct article usage
the smokers
show examples
 count can increase in future
moreover
, we cannot deny
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 problems caused to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. To be exact, cigarettes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 serious health adverse effects on people which can be deadly
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 lung cancer, gastric ulcer and so on. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research, it has proved, cigarette increases blood pressure and cholesterol level,
in addition
, it is procrastinating
healing
Correct article usage
the healing
show examples
 process. In conclusion, no matter how things are changing, still smoking
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
where they want will be inappropriate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all the time. We should not approve things which
is
Change the verb form
are
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bad
Add an article
a bad
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 influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 citizens.
Submitted by llbayarmaa on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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