IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Sports and exercise classes with more academic seasons. what is your opinion on this change how how this change will affect children's life in your view? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples for your own experience and knowledge

#sports #exercise #classes #seasons #change #children #life #reason
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In the past
children
 were entertained by books,playing outside and spending their time with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,but when modern technology came to us, things
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed
children
stoped
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stopped
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 reading books from
libaries
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libraries
.
Instead
Add a comma
,Instead
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 they used their
smartphones
 to search the web and find what book to read
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
or play video games on for hours and not stopping .
This
 will have my negative approval There are some factors about smartphone abuse.
Firstly
smartphones
 are the
youngs
Change noun form
young's
show examples
 tool to get over academics by searching the
infomation
Correct your spelling
information
 online to find the answer and solved it.
Secondly
,the use of social media started
for instance
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
TikTok,Facebook and
Intsagram
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Instagram
 which are the
necesaties
Correct your spelling
necessities
 for
childrens
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children
show examples
 to connect to others,so if the
children
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not contact them but
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
 their
smartphones
 it will
cause
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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harm
Change to a plural noun
harms
show examples
 to them
In my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, In my opinion,
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 the overuse of
smartphones
 may
dertirmine
Correct your spelling
determine
 the
inflenece
Correct your spelling
influence
 on the young .Among them
are
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is
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healh
Correct your spelling
health
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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.
Through
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To
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 research sticking their eyes on a phone over an hour may
cause
 red
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
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,
rubbing
Correct word choice
and rubbing
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 your eyes may
cause
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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slowy
Correct your spelling
slowly
 lose vision .
Also
 overusing
smartphones
 may
cause
 them to have no outdoor activities resulting
obesity
Change preposition
in obesity
show examples
, another thing is it may affect your
Correct your spelling
studies
studys
Correct your spelling
studies
 by causing your brain to not
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 straight after spending time on social media and playing games on a daily basis In conclusion,in many factors,online interaction and the lack of parent observation.I see the trend
harmful
Correct word choice
as harmful
show examples
 to physical health and the schools
children
learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 in.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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