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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Summarise the information by choosing and describe the main idea, and make comparisons where appropriate.

The graph below shows information on employment rates across 6 countries in 1995 and 2005. Summarise the information by choosing and describe the main idea, and make comparisons where appropriate.
#information #employment #rates #countries #summarise #idea #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates the data
of
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on
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 job rates in six nations based on sex between 1995 and 2005.
Overall
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, a glance
of
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at
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 the figure provided
it is clear that
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 both genders in all countries experienced increases over the period of two years, and the number of men
are
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is
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 more than women.
To begin
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, the occupation levels of
male
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males
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 in the six states had similar patterns, which they grew significantly throughout the years and became more dominant than the opposite. Iceland had the highest number among all nations,
stood
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standing
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 at above 80% in 2005,
following
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followed
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 by Switzerland and Australia, which
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 55% and 65% respectively. The remaining countries had
slight
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slightly
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 numbers in male jobs, which were around between 55% and 60% in 1995,
rose
Correct word choice
and rose
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 to below 72% in the following
a
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apply
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decade.
On the other hand
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, female employees had
less
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fewer
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 rates than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 in all nations during the period. More than 50%
women
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of women
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 had a profession in Switzerland, soaring to just under 70% in 2005, and became the majority of
the
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apply
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them. British and United States had
similar
Add an article
a similar
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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 in 2005,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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were
Change the verb form
was
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 at approximately 62%, growing by nearly four-fifths. The three states had rates below 55% in the final year, in which female Australian individuals were the least of them.
Submitted by dimasfajarairlangga on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • economic indicators
  • comparative analysis
  • trends and patterns
  • economic factors
  • stability and change
  • sector-specific
  • job market
  • workforce participation
  • fluctuations
  • economic growth
  • unemployment
  • recession
  • boom
  • labor market dynamics
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