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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about the percentage of the population if four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant

The graph gives information about the percentage of the population if four different Asian countries living in cities between 1970 and 2020 with additional predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
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The line graph
provide
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provides
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date
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data
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 about the proportion of inhabitants who live in cities in different four Asian nations over 50 years, with projections for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 all the countries showed
Correct article usage
an increased
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increased
Replace the word
increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the percentage of people who live
on
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban areas during the given period, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Malaysian showed
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant rise. Looking
in
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at
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 the graph in more detail , in 1970, the percentage of Malaysia who
moving
Wrong verb form
moved
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 to cities was
the
Change preposition
at the
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 top compared to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 countries around 32%,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Indonesia was lowest
almost
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at almost
show examples
 13 %. From 1980 to 2020 the proportion of people who migrate to cities in both Malaysia and Indonesia experienced
darmatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 want up from approximately 41% to 75 % ,
18
Correct word choice
and 18
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% to 51 % respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
precentage
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percentage
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 previous
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 will expect to increase
from
Change preposition
between
show examples
2030 and 2040, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia will
showing
Wrong verb form
show
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 the highest increase up to 85 % and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second will Indonesia
almost
Add a missing verb
be almost
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 62%.
Regardnig
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Regarding
 to other countries, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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precentage
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percentage
 of people who moved to
citites
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cities
 in the
Philippiness
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Philippines
 from 1970 to 1990 started
increased
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to increase
show examples
 from 30 % and reach a peak
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 50% and after that
showd droped
Correct your spelling
show drop
 until 2010,
then
Linking Words
 will projections to rise in 2030 and 2040 from around 50% to 55%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Thailand experienced
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
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 from 1970 to 1990 and that showed
Correct article usage
a silghtly
show examples
silghtly
Correct your spelling
slightly
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
, and
then
Linking Words
 will expect to increase in future to 45%.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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