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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the pie charts show the electricity generated in germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. summarize the information and make comparison.

the pie charts show the electricity generated in germany and france from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. summarize the information and make comparison.
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This
Linking Words
 provided pie charts illustrate the total amount of
electricity
Use synonyms
 produced in two countries
France
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
 in 2009. It is measured in Billion kWh. It can be seen that most of the
electricity
Use synonyms
 in
Germany
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 is generated from Conventional Thermal, but the main source of
energy
Use synonyms
, in
France
Use synonyms
 from nuclear power,
whereas
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 the amount of
electricity
Use synonyms
 obtained from
renewables
Use synonyms
 is nearly similar in both countries.
To begin
Linking Words
, in
Germany
Use synonyms
, Conventional Thermal accounted for the majority of
electricity
Use synonyms
 generation, at 59.6 %,
while
Linking Words
 in
France
Use synonyms
, most of the electric
energy
Use synonyms
 came from nuclear power, at 76%, but in
Germany
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, nuclear power represented only just a round one-fifth of the total
energy
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that the amount of
electricity
Use synonyms
 that came from Conventional Thermal in
France
Use synonyms
 was a minority compared to
Germany
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. Regarding
renewables
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 accounted for a similar percentage in both countries approximately, at 15 per cent.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
Germany
Use synonyms
,
renewables
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 were essentially composed of Biomass and Wind, totalling around 75%, but Hydroelectric and solar accounted for a smaller proportion of electric
energy
Use synonyms
 production compared to them .The situation was completely different in
France
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, as
renewables
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 mainly came from Hydroelectric, at 80.5%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the other three sources, Solar, Biomass, and Wind represented around 20% of
renewables
Use synonyms
 together.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, france, germany, energy, renewables with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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