You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. Pie Chart

#minutes #show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons

Correct your spelling

The

show examples

two pie charts show data about a group

age

Replace the word

aged

show examples

between 18 to 25 years old, and how they consumed

programs with different appliances during the period of 2009 to 2019 in Canada.

Overall

, there is a drastic decrease in conventional

users over

10-years

Correct your spelling

10 years

Instead

percentage

Correct article usage

the percentage

show examples

of mobile phone, flat-screen

and desktop computer users have taken over the most of usage in

second

Change the article

the second

show examples

chart. In detail, the least popular device used by young adults in Canada in the year 2009, was

tablet

Add an article

a tablet

the tablet

show examples

, with 5% of the total amount.

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

second

Change the article

the second

show examples

chart of 2019,

this

percentage

increased to 19%.

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

other devices like mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and flat-screen

consumers'

percentage

both increased over a decade, from 8% to 27%, and from 15% to 26% respectively. As can

be observe

Change the verb form

be observed

show examples

from these two charts, young people's interest in desktop

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

and Laptop devices to watch

programs have dropped slightly after

10-years

Correct your spelling

10 years

Besides

that

Add a comma

,that

show examples

we can

also

see how the use of conventional

percentage

dropped from 34% to 4% after a decade of interval.

Submitted by dewintaputri23 on Sat Jun 17 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, percentage with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

177 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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