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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many think that all decisions within a company should be made by managers whereas others feel it is better to include employees in the process. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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While
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 some individuals believe that a manager should be a person in charge of
decision
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-making in a company.
Conversely
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, there are those people who believe that
employees
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 should be involved in the
decision
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both points of view
along with
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 my perspective which I personally believe that
decision
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-maker depends on the severity of
issues
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 .
To begin
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 with, it is understandable for some to believe that every
decision
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 should
decide
Wrong verb form
be made
show examples
 by
managers
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.
This
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 is probably because
managers
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 are someone who is seniority and has numerous experiences and knowledge in a company.
Therefore
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,
decisions
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 made by
managers
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 are already passed through his consideration based on their previous experiences which might be more valid than some who lack experience.
Although
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 all
decisions
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 are not always valid,
managers
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 are able to support and responsible for results.
On the other hand
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,
employees
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 should make
decisions
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 by themselves as it is much faster than waiting for
managers
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'
decisions
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. Since many companies have several levels of hierarchy, it is a waste of time to wait for the
decision
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.
For example
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, in the Thailand government officer, if some officers
required
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require
show examples
 a
decision
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 from their supervisor, a letter should be written, and
then
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send
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sent
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 to supervisors which is required to pass through various processes before the letter has arrived.
Moreover
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, since
managers
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 work at a very high level, they might not have the same understanding of the issue as
employees
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 do leading to wrong
decision
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-making. In a nutshell, I strongly believe that
employees
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 should evaluate the priority of a topic first whether it is important
decisions
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 or solely small
issues
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. If they are small
issues
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,
employees
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 are able to decide on solutions by themselves.
However
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, if they are important
issues
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,
managers
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 should be
responsible
Add an article
the responsible
a responsible
show examples
 person for a
decision
Use synonyms
 or have a mutual agreement among the team.

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task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is good. However, make sure to include more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between thoughts and paragraphs by using more cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases. This will help your reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to refine your language and syntax for clarity. There are some grammatical inaccuracies that can cause confusion. Proofreading can help improve this aspect.
task achievement
You have successfully introduced the topic and stated your opinion clearly in the introduction, which is a strong start to your essay.
task achievement
You have made a valid argument about the different perspectives on decision-making within a company, which shows critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Centralized authority
  • Top-down approach
  • Autocratic leadership
  • Managerial hierarchy
  • Operational efficiency
  • Accountability
  • Competence
  • Employee empowerment
  • Participative decision-making
  • Workplace democracy
  • Morale
  • Consensus
  • Bottom-up approach
  • Cross-functional collaboration
  • Organizational culture
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