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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two bar charts compare and contrast the data on what kind of work both UK graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 choose to do after leaving the university, excluding full-time jobs in 2008. The majority of UK graduates choose to continue studying
instead
Linking Words
 of working.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the same happens in the path of the UK postgraduates as well. Meanwhile, voluntary work is the least favourite among both groups of
students
Use synonyms
. In 2008, both graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 were going for
further
Linking Words
 study, accounting for 29,665 and 2,725
students
Use synonyms
 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, there is a big difference between
further
Linking Words
 study and voluntary work as the number of
students
Use synonyms
 who chose
this
Linking Words
 path was considerably low, with 3,500 graduates and 345 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of graduate
students
Use synonyms
 who worked part-time and were unemployed in 2008 showed a slight difference between the numbers which accounted for 17,735
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
part-time and 16,235 in unemployment.
Also
Linking Words
, the number of graduates who were unemployed was almost ten times greater than postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 in 2008.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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