Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence

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Happiness

Use synonyms

is a primary objective for every human being, which is defined as the state of mind so they are able to control their

negatives emotion

Fix the agreement mistake

negative emotions

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such

Linking Words

as anger, envy, and anxiety to achieve mindfulness. In

this

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essay, I will outline

factors

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that contribute to

happiness

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in our daily lives. Some

people

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have an opinion that

happiness

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comes from the inside, so many

people

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pursue it by carrying out

such

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activities,

such

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as travelling, reading books, watching movies, or taking physical exercise in their leisure time to stimulate endorphins hormones in the brain.

According to

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scientists,

this

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hormone has a function to spur

happiness

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and make us feel relaxed whatever we do, either working or conducting various activities mentioned above.

However

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, attaining

happiness

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is not easy for some

people

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because of various problems they deal with in our society because of broken heart, loss of job, or unemployed for a long period.

On the other hand

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, there are points of view that external

factors

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have contributed to someone’s

happiness

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. In

this

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modern era, it is impossible to achieve it without enough money that can be used to meet their daily needs, and

people

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need to work to earn money.

Besides

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, some

people

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cannot have a happy life if they do not have a girlfriend or boyfriend to accompany them when taking a vacation. The statistic

also

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shows that the happiest

people

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live in Scandinavia,

such

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as Denmark, Sweden, Finland and Norway. In my opinion, they are happy because their basic need as humans has been satisfied so no need for them to worry about their past or the future.

Happiness

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is all about living in the present moment. In conclusion, I contend that external

factors

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play a crucial role in our

happiness

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because they will give us satisfaction,

meanwhile

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meanwhile,

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internal

factors

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give

Verb problem

apply

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Correct article usage

apply

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contribution

Replace the word

contribute

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to attaining a positive mindset and state of mind as well.

Submitted by odod_aja on Sat Jun 17 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that the essay follows a clear and organized structure. Use topic sentences to introduce each new idea and ensure that ideas are linked together logically.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for qualifications. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think the increasing and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Services such as shops, schools and commercial centres should be relocated out of the city center. To what extent do you agree?

The debate exists on whether young people should have the freedom to select their own profession of if they should adapt pragmatic approach, considering their future more seriously.