Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #factors #influence

Happiness

is a primary objective for every human being, which is defined as the state of mind so they are able to control their

negatives emotion

Fix the agreement mistake

negative emotions

show examples

such

as anger, envy, and anxiety to achieve mindfulness. In

this

essay, I will outline

factors

that contribute to

happiness

in our daily lives. Some

people

have an opinion that

happiness

comes from the inside, so many

people

pursue it by carrying out

such

activities,

such

as travelling, reading books, watching movies, or taking physical exercise in their leisure time to stimulate endorphins hormones in the brain.

According to

scientists,

this

hormone has a function to spur

happiness

and make us feel relaxed whatever we do, either working or conducting various activities mentioned above.

However

, attaining

happiness

is not easy for some

people

because of various problems they deal with in our society because of broken heart, loss of job, or unemployed for a long period.

On the other hand

, there are points of view that external

factors

have contributed to someone’s

happiness

. In

this

modern era, it is impossible to achieve it without enough money that can be used to meet their daily needs, and

people

need to work to earn money.

Besides

, some

people

cannot have a happy life if they do not have a girlfriend or boyfriend to accompany them when taking a vacation. The statistic

also

shows that the happiest

people

live in Scandinavia,

such

as Denmark, Sweden, Finland and Norway. In my opinion, they are happy because their basic need as humans has been satisfied so no need for them to worry about their past or the future.

Happiness

is all about living in the present moment. In conclusion, I contend that external

factors

play a crucial role in our

happiness

because they will give us satisfaction,

meanwhile

Add a comma

meanwhile,

show examples

internal

factors

give

Verb problem

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

contribution

Replace the word

contribute

show examples

to attaining a positive mindset and state of mind as well.

Submitted by odod_aja on Sat Jun 17 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that the essay follows a clear and organized structure. Use topic sentences to introduce each new idea and ensure that ideas are linked together logically.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but some people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this problem?

Sending criminal to prison is not the best method of dealing with them. Education and job training are better ways to help them. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?