IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
It is clear that
 new technologies influence the way
children
 spend their free
time
.
Although
 there is a great number of disadvantages, I believe that the benefits can play an important role in
children’s’
Correct your spelling
children’s
 lives. Nowadays, because of using new technologies
children
 have gotten smarter, and they can focus on any subjects they are interested in. They put effort into that particular subject and
end
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 up being successful in doing all kinds of projects. Studies show that
children
 who play video games in their free
time
 can come up with creative solutions
easier
Rephrase
more easily
show examples
 than other
children
.
Furthermore
, they are better decision-makers in case of emergency.
For example
, when their siblings or even themselves face a problem, they start thinking faster than it is expected. Some of them
also
 do better at school subjects because of being able to concentrate. They are
also
 better multi-taskers than other
kids
 of the same age.
On the other hand
, a lot of
parents
 are worried about their
kids
’ playing or using technology
time
. They believe that working with cell phones or computers for long hours can cause mental problems in the future.
For example
, they have mentioned anxiety as one of the disorders their
kids
 may face in the near future.
Moreover
, having a long screen
time
 will prevent them from studying and the
parents
 are not sure if their
kids
 are going to finish school with acceptable grades or not. In conclusion,
although
 some
parents
 are over strict and don’t let their
children
 use new technologies, the
time
 their
kids
 spend using technology is an important and controllable factor. If the
kids
 don’t go overboard, there won’t be any problems. And of course,
parents
 can use it as an efficient tool for
children
’s upbringing. They can teach them to take advantage of technology in order to make their dreams come true.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more comprehensive and directly address the question. Develop more concise and focused responses to each part of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay to better connect ideas throughout each paragraph and ensure a clear flow of information from one point to the next. Use transition words and phrases to create coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: