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Band 5.5

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
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It is clear that
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 new technologies influence the way
children
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 spend their free
time
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.
Although
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 there is a great number of disadvantages, I believe that the benefits can play an important role in
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children’s’
Correct your spelling
children’s
 lives. Nowadays, because of using new technologies
children
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 have gotten smarter, and they can focus on any subjects they are interested in. They put effort into that particular subject and
end
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ended
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 up being successful in doing all kinds of projects. Studies show that
children
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 who play video games in their free
time
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 can come up with creative solutions
easier
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more easily
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 than other
children
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.
Furthermore
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, they are better decision-makers in case of emergency.
For example
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, when their siblings or even themselves face a problem, they start thinking faster than it is expected. Some of them
also
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 do better at school subjects because of being able to concentrate. They are
also
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 better multi-taskers than other
kids
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 of the same age.
On the other hand
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, a lot of
parents
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 are worried about their
kids
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’ playing or using technology
time
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. They believe that working with cell phones or computers for long hours can cause mental problems in the future.
For example
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, they have mentioned anxiety as one of the disorders their
kids
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 may face in the near future.
Moreover
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, having a long screen
time
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 will prevent them from studying and the
parents
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 are not sure if their
kids
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 are going to finish school with acceptable grades or not. In conclusion,
although
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 some
parents
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 are over strict and don’t let their
children
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 use new technologies, the
time
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 their
kids
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 spend using technology is an important and controllable factor. If the
kids
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 don’t go overboard, there won’t be any problems. And of course,
parents
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 can use it as an efficient tool for
children
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’s upbringing. They can teach them to take advantage of technology in order to make their dreams come true.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more comprehensive and directly address the question. Develop more concise and focused responses to each part of the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay to better connect ideas throughout each paragraph and ensure a clear flow of information from one point to the next. Use transition words and phrases to create coherence and cohesion.
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