IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

demand for food is increasing worldwide. what is the cause of this? what measure can the international community take to meet this demand?

#demand #food #measure #community
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Nowadays, there is a growing need for
food
Use synonyms
 happening around the globe.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide information about the prominent reason rising
this
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 phenomenon and the suitable solutions the global community can utilize to meet the needs properly. On the one hand, there is one major reason why the surged demand for
food
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 is prevalent worldwide, it is
due to
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 the growing population. In modern society, when many individuals have met their desired standard of living,
making
Verb problem
apply
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the tendency
of having
Change preposition
to have
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 more
offsprings surge
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring surges
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 because of the need to have an ideal family which can enhance their happiness and
solves
Correct subject-verb agreement
solve
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 the loneliness of some parts of the community.
Therefore
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, there will be an increasing number of people demanding sustainable amounts of
food
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, which is likely to nurture future generations.
That is
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 the reason why the need for
food
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 is at its peak in
densely-populated
Correct your spelling
densely populated
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 countries
such
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 as China or India.
On the other hand
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, after addressing the problems, communities can be provided with many solutions to meet
this
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 rapid growth of
food
Use synonyms
 demand.
To begin
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 with , the application of modern machinery should be implemented in agriculture , when technology has been increasingly enhanced . It will foster the surging growth of the production of
food
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.
Thus
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, the problems will temporarily be solved. The optimal solution for those is imposing constraints on the laws of having suitable numbers of children in each household. Likely, the problem of overpopulation is controlled In conclusion, the phenomenon of overpopulation likely increases the demand for
food
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 at an unprecedented rate.
Therefore
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, the strict laws of birthing and the application of modern machinery in
food
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-making procedures should be utilized by whole communities around the globe
Submitted by nguyenmanhthi7111994 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are adequately present, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but the ideas presented are lacking in clarity and relevance. More specific and relevant examples would strengthen the task achievement.
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