The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

#show #survey #children’s #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

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The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of

time

Use synonyms

allotted by the children to do cultural and

leisure

Use synonyms

activities in their free

time

Use synonyms

and the data segregate by sex and gender.

Overall

Linking Words

boys

Use synonyms

arrange their relaxation most in front of the computer playing games ,

Linking Words

similarly

Add a comma

,similarly

show examples

the

girls

Use synonyms

spend their free

time

Use synonyms

dancing more than other activities.

Moreover

Linking Words

boys

Use synonyms

spent their

time

Use synonyms

on reading activities only 2%

while

Linking Words

girls

Use synonyms

spent ten times more. (

In addition

Linking Words

boys

Use synonyms

spent most of their free

time

Use synonyms

doing sports with 54% than the

girls

Use synonyms

only half. Looking into detail, it is apparent that

boys

Use synonyms

like to spend their free

time

Use synonyms

playing games on the computer at 34%, followed by sport exercise : playing basketball, playing soccer, and skateboarding at 26%, 17% and 11% respectively. Reading becomes the least activity done by the

boys

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, they only spend 2% of their

leisure

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time

Use synonyms

In contrast

Linking Words

girls

Use synonyms

almost only spend 16% of their free moment playing computer games. They spend use /allocate /allot the majority of they their

leisure

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do dancing at 27%, and reading in second place at 21%. Similar to the

boys

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, the

girls

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

arrange their free

time

Use synonyms

to do sports exercises like netball (15%) and gymnastics (11%).

Moreover

Linking Words

girls

Use synonyms

allocate the same proportion as

boys

Use synonyms

for listening to music 10% of their

leisure

Use synonyms

time

Use synonyms

Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on Mon Jun 19 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words time, leisure, boys, girls with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

219 words

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The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What metal and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced?