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The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate
The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 allotted by the children to do cultural and
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities in their free
time
Use synonyms
 and the data segregate by sex and gender.
Overall
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 arrange their relaxation most in front of the computer playing games ,
Linking Words
similarly
Add a comma
,similarly
show examples
 the
girls
Use synonyms
 spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 dancing more than other activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 spent their
time
Use synonyms
 on reading activities only 2%
while
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
 spent ten times more. (
In addition
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 spent most of their free
time
Use synonyms
 doing sports with 54% than the
girls
Use synonyms
 only half. Looking into detail, it is apparent that
boys
Use synonyms
 like to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
 playing games on the computer at 34%, followed by sport exercise : playing basketball, playing soccer, and skateboarding at 26%, 17% and 11% respectively. Reading becomes the least activity done by the
boys
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, they only spend 2% of their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
girls
Use synonyms
 almost only spend 16% of their free moment playing computer games. They spend use /allocate /allot the majority of they their
leisure
Use synonyms
 do dancing at 27%, and reading in second place at 21%. Similar to the
boys
Use synonyms
, the
girls
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 arrange their free
time
Use synonyms
 to do sports exercises like netball (15%) and gymnastics (11%).
Moreover
Linking Words
,
girls
Use synonyms
 allocate the same proportion as
boys
Use synonyms
 for listening to music 10% of their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, leisure, boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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