The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

#show #survey #children’s #activities #first #leisure #boys #second #girls

The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of

time

allotted by the children to do cultural and

leisure

activities in their free

time

and the data segregate by sex and gender.

Overall

boys

arrange their relaxation most in front of the computer playing games ,

similarly

Add a comma

,similarly

show examples

the

girls

spend their free

time

dancing more than other activities.

Moreover

boys

spent their

time

on reading activities only 2%

while

girls

spent ten times more. (

In addition

boys

spent most of their free

time

doing sports with 54% than the

girls

only half. Looking into detail, it is apparent that

boys

like to spend their free

time

playing games on the computer at 34%, followed by sport exercise : playing basketball, playing soccer, and skateboarding at 26%, 17% and 11% respectively. Reading becomes the least activity done by the

boys

, they only spend 2% of their

leisure

time

In contrast

girls

almost only spend 16% of their free moment playing computer games. They spend use /allocate /allot the majority of they their

leisure

do dancing at 27%, and reading in second place at 21%. Similar to the

boys

, the

girls

also

arrange their free

time

to do sports exercises like netball (15%) and gymnastics (11%).

Moreover

girls

allocate the same proportion as

boys

for listening to music 10% of their

leisure

time

Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on Mon Jun 19 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words time, leisure, boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

219 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The pie charts show the result of survey of children’s activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate

Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves.

References from previous employers are important for some employers when making hiring decisions. why do you think that references are important to employers ? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

Some people think that government should control the amount of violence in the films and TV programs, in order to reduce the crimes in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?