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Band 4

Art classes , such as painting and drawing are as important for children's development as other subjects so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree.

#art #classes #children #development #subjects #school
I disagree with the above statement that
art
classes
,
such
 as painting and drawing are as essential for
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
show examples
 development as other
subjects
therefore
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not be compulsory in high school.
Firstly
, children are already occupied with so many
subjects
, by
incoperating
Correct your spelling
incorporating
 painting and drawing and making it a must
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
put
burden
Add an article
the burden
a burden
show examples
 on them , they might not perform well
due to
 too many
subjects
 that they need to focus on.
Art
classes
 should be treated as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 option rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 making it compulsory.
Secondly
 , not every child is interested in
art
 ,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 painting and drawing , when children don't have
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
then
 they won't perform well , they will be just doing it for the sake of doing things.
Therefore
 it's better suited for extra-circular
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Thirdly
, it can be costly the materials used and needed for painting and drawing can cost parents
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 money spent on these materials can be spent
elsewhere
 , looking at the cost of living which is on the rise.
Lastly
, there will be
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 on the teachers as they will have to deal with many
subjects
 , which will lead to stress and added workload on them , they might want to switch to some other jobs or quit
due to
 pressure ,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 students will suffer as there will be no teachers for them to teach. In conclusion , I disagree with the above statement because it loads
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
show examples
burden
 on students,
children
Correct word choice
and children
show examples
 may not be interested in taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
classes
.
Art
classes
 can be costly for parents to pay for.There will be
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 on teachers as they will be dealing with many
subjects
.
Submitted by A on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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