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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Every day we face plenty of uncertainties in our
life
Use synonyms
 including the confusion to pick the profession for our
future
Use synonyms
 careers. There are some words out there that we need to seek our
passion
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 to be more
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
While
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 there are plenty of
people
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 who
are agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
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 opinion,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
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 occasion, I would speak
my
Change preposition
about my
show examples
 disagreement
over
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
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 idea. I believe that for
future
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 jobs,
people
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needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to consider
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
industries
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 that
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
 higher income over
passion
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.
Body paragraph 1
While
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 some
people
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tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to
pursued
Change the verb
pursue
show examples
 their
career
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further
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 towards their
passion
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such
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 as
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
industry
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, I
am convince
Change the verb form
am convinced
show examples
 that we
also
Linking Words
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
realized
Wrong verb form
realise
show examples
 that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not worth
to pursue
Change the verb form
pursuing
show examples
further
Linking Words
 for
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future
Add an article
a future
show examples
career
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, and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
occasion
Add a comma
,occasion
show examples
 I will take art
industry
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 as an example. Indonesia is lucky to have plenty of creative
people
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, here there are several
people
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 who rely their
life
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 towards
this
Linking Words
industry
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. Throughout the years,
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
industry
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 offers several
artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
show examples
 that has been succeed
such
Linking Words
 as Andre Taulany and Sule,
however
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, there are more
people
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 that are suffers a lot in
this
Linking Words
industry
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 and cannot
gave
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 better
life
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 to their
future
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life
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 and their family wealth
also
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due to
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 limited of money.
Body paragraph 2
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, consulting
industries
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
widely known as boring
industries
Use synonyms
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 a lot of benefits
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wages. Over 100 years of
Indonesia
Correct your spelling
Indonesian
show examples
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
, there are numerous
people
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 who later became ministry and
CEO’s
Change noun form
CEOs
show examples
 in private
entity
Fix the agreement mistake
entities
show examples
 and state-owned
enterprise
Fix the agreement mistake
enterprises
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
came from
this
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industry
Use synonyms
. Their nuclear family
life
Use synonyms
 can be increased through the education that comes from the wages of
this
Linking Words
career
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.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 catching your
passion
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 in the
industry
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 can offer happiness in
life
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, choosing a
future
Use synonyms
career
Use synonyms
 in an
industry
Use synonyms
 that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 higher payroll can increase not only our
life
Use synonyms
 quality but
also
Linking Words
 our family.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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