IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The table below illustrates how much money a single person and a couple in Australia need for a comfortable lifestyle after they retire.

The table below illustrates how much money a single person and a couple in Australia need for a comfortable lifestyle after they retire.
#money #person #couple #australia #lifestyle
The presented table compares the average expenditures of Australian retired people based on
marriage
Replace the word
marital
show examples
 status.
Overall
, a glance at the figure provided reveals that a person who had
spouse
Correct article usage
a spouse
show examples
 had more
expenses
 than a single, in which spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 leisure activities was dominant in the couple,
while
 housing became the majority in the opposite.
To begin
, the outcomes as a single retirement had a slightly lower cost than a couple at around 684 US
dollars
. Most of the
expenses
 by far
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 for daily activities
in house
Add a hyphen
in-house
show examples
 with below 200 US
dollars
, followed by free-time actions with almost 150 US
dollars
.
On the other hand
, in the couple categories, the
expenses
 for leisure activities were higher than for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
housing at 202 US
dollars
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and became the main expenditures among all groups. Interestingly, the outcomes for health
were not be
Change the verb form
were not
show examples
 a priority for both of them, in which their budget
ranges
Wrong verb form
ranged
show examples
 between 122 and 177 US
dollars
. The remaining
expenses
 had small numbers,
while
 only
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 for transportation
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
got more than 100 US
dollars
.
Submitted by dimasfajarairlangga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenses, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: