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Various career and academic choices taken by high school graduates in lakeside county in 2010 and 2020

#career #choices #school #graduates #lakeside #county
Overall
, in both years, most of the chosen careers significantly rose, and so as the
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
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 who
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 no idea about what they
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 going to do for the next step after
graduate
Replace the word
graduation
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. In all types of various careers, most
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
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graduate
 still choose to go to college just like in 2010 and 2020. Working in a freelance and informal sector and starting a business comprised 11% and 5%, respectively in 2010 and
this
 showed a slight increase in working in a freelance and informal sector
Change preposition
from
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about 2% to 13% in 2020.
On the other hand
, starting businesses and
graduate
 who still have no idea about their next journey rose extremely in 2020 about 19% to 24% and 10% to 15%, respectively. With regards to the remaining
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
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 chosen for various careers, there was a gradual decrease in going to college from about 55% in 2010 to 38% in 2020.
Likewise
, in 2010, working
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 chosen by
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
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 at about 24% of and faced a descending tendency for more than half (10%) in 2020.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a basic structure and includes introduction and conclusion. However, the logical flow of information needs improvement for clarity and coherence.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by presenting the career and academic choices of high school graduates in Lakeside County in 2010 and 2020. It contains some relevant examples but lacks clear and comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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