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Band 6.5

Multicultural societies, where people of different ethnic groups live together can bring more benefits than drawbacks to a society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#societies #people #groups #society
Diversity in a
country
 is
one
 of the most intriguing topics in recent years. It means a group of
people
 from different cultural backgrounds are living together. Some
people
 say that it is beneficial
while
 others
are saying
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 the opposite. In my opinion, the pros outweigh the cons. Globalization is
one
 of the main reasons for a place or a
country
 to be diverse. There are various advantages to having a multicultural society.
Firstly
,
people
 tend to be more understanding of
one
 another. Citizens are more kind to
one
 another maybe because they know that all of them are different and it is ok. They don't need to act as same as the locals. Rather, they could just be themselves. In Canada,
for instance
, the crime rate is very low despite how multicultured the
country
 is. Based on their research, it is
due to
 the diversity of the place.
People
 understand and accept how different
one
 of them is.
Secondly
, there are more activities to celebrate.
People
 from different nations will surely celebrate their own
events
 even if they are not in their motherland.
For instance
, New Zealand, which is a good example of diversity, celebrates different
events
 from different cultures like the Lantern Festival, Diwali and many more. In
this
 way, everyone would know and understand
one
 another if they
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 the different vital
events
 in their home
country
.
However
, there are disadvantages as well.
One
 of them is racism. In a globalized
country
, racism will always be present. There will be
people
 who are against certain nationalities migrating to their
country
 for different reasons. Another is a language barrier.
People
 are used to speaking their mother tongue,
hence
 making it difficult for them to learn another language. To sum it up, a diverse
country
 will always bring out the best part of the said place. Different
events
 and unity will always be there no matter where they come from despite the presence of racism and language barriers.
Submitted by eric.benedict520 on

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task response
The response addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, consider providing a more balanced argument by discussing drawbacks in further detail.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph is well-connected to the main topic and supports the main points effectively.
task response
Clear opinion on the topic
coherence and cohesion
Well-developed introduction and conclusion
task response
Effective use of examples to support arguments

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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