The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
This
line chart depicts the figures of the people who don’t have jobs from March 1993 to March 1999 in Japan
and the United States.
It is clear from the graph that, the US rate was decreasing throughout the period. While
,
Remove the comma
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Japan
was increasing.
According to
what is shown, Japan
has witnessed gradually increasing from 2.0 per cent to 3.5 per cent between 1993 and 1996. After that, the number almost sustained the same till 1998. After March 1998, the rate rocketed sharply till it got at it is peak by
nearly 4.7 Change preposition
of
percent
. Change the spelling
per cent
On the other hand
, the United state decreased significantly from 7.0 to 5.5 between 1993 and 1995. Next,
it consisted the same till 1996. Whereas
after that, it dropped gradually to finally
reach it is lowest in 1999 by approximately 4%.
To sum up
, we could say that Japan
has soared around 2.0 over the
time. Correct article usage
apply
While
,
the US dipped around 3%.Remove the comma
apply
Submitted by asem2017asem2017 on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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