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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the US and Japan between March 1993 and March 1999.
#unemployment #rates #japan #march
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This
Linking Words
 line chart depicts the figures of the people who don’t have jobs from March 1993 to March 1999 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and the United States. It is clear from the graph that, the US rate was decreasing throughout the period.
While
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,
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Japan
Use synonyms
 was increasing.
According to
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 what is shown,
Japan
Use synonyms
 has witnessed gradually increasing from 2.0 per cent to 3.5 per cent between 1993 and 1996. After that, the number almost sustained the same till 1998. After March 1998, the rate rocketed sharply till it got at it is peak
by
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of
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 nearly 4.7
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
On the other hand
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, the United state decreased significantly from 7.0 to 5.5 between 1993 and 1995.
Next,
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it consisted the same till 1996.
Whereas
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 after that, it dropped gradually to
finally
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 reach it is lowest in 1999 by approximately 4%.
To sum up
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, we could say that
Japan
Use synonyms
 has soared around 2.0 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time.
While
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,
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 the US dipped around 3%.
Submitted by asem2017asem2017 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Unemployment rate
  • Trend
  • Comparison
  • Period
  • Sharp increase/decrease
  • Correlation
  • Economic policies
  • Technological advancements
  • Global economic conditions
  • Consumer spending
  • Social welfare
  • Public sentiment
  • Predictions
  • Economic strategies
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