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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people want to buy clothes,cars and other items with famous brands. -What are the reasons? -Is that a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 are spending amount of money purchasing fashionable items like clothes, bags, cars and others
in
Change preposition
with
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brand
Use synonyms
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
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. In the following paragraphs,
this
Linking Words
 view will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.
To begin
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 with, it is undeniable that most
people
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, especially
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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, tend to buy more
Use synonyms
brand name
Add a hyphen
brand-name
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 products
such
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 as Channel, Gucci, Prada or Hermes. One of the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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pressure
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 from society, called
a
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apply
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peer
pressure
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. To illustrate, when
people
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 see their friends have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new clothes or new bags from some famous brands, it is true to say that they might want to buy those clothes as their friends.
Additionally
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, the
pressure
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 is not only caused
from
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by
show examples
 peers
,
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apply
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 but
also
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social
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by social
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 media.
For instance
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, these days, many
people
Use synonyms
 spend time
on
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apply
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surfing the internet like Tiktok,
instagram
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Instagram
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 and
facebook
Correct your spelling
Facebook
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, more than 60% of these
people
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 have a
favorite
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favourite
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 person
who
Change the pronoun
whom
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 they are following, leading to loving their styles.
As a result
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, those
people
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 will purchase famous
brand
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 products same as the influencers they like.
According to
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 the statement, from my point of view, there are both pros and cons in the development of buying popular brands. The first positive thing is that
Use synonyms
brand name
Add a hyphen
brand-name
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 products have a
long-lifetime
Correct your spelling
long lifetime
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can be used
in
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for
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 many years.
Next,
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the designs are unique and no one can
copy
Correct pronoun usage
themcopy
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.
On the contrary
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,
sometime
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sometimes
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 it is unnecessary items, costing
to
Replace the word
too
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 much money. In order to buy
those product
Change the determiner
that product
those products
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, some individuals must spend their whole
month
Change noun form
month's
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 salary
for
Change preposition
on
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 purchasing. To summarize, more and more individuals
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
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 to buy famous brands because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
pressure
Use synonyms
, caused
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their society.
However
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, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 both positive and negative development, for me the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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