IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

many people think that mobile phone should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. do you agree or disagree?

#people #phone #places #libraries #shops #transport
Recently,
people
 tend to take out smartphones in public places more frequently than
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 used to because we can easily use them to watch videos, search for information and chat with our friends.
Therefore
, some
people
 suggest that the government should set up a rule to limit
people
 using their cellphone in public areas. In my opinion,
however
, I don't agree with the argument because it violates our rights.
While
 it is true that some
people
 use their cellphones at the wrong time
such
 as crossing the sections or in the middle of the sidewalk, which can cause lots of negative consequences apparently, most
people
 play with their phones properly when they are on the street. Specifically,
people
 using their cellphone in public places mostly just check the message that their boss or friends had sent to them or look for the data that they need, which can easily be stopped whenever they want.
Thus
, decreasing the possibility of having an accident.
Moreover
, if the authority has banned the usage of using the phone in the public area, it violates our
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
.
This
 can make
people
 unhappy and against
Submitted by golden0313b on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • banned
  • public places
  • libraries
  • shops
  • public transport
  • disruptive
  • disturb
  • safety hazard
  • distraction
  • reduce productivity
  • convenient
  • useful information
  • responsibly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: