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Band 4.5

“Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people ? What could be done to encourage them to take action?

#“scientists #environment #people #energy #lives #action
According to
 scientists,
people
 have to use less energy on a daily basis in order to protect the environment,
however
, the majority of
people
 have not changed the way they live. In my opinion, it is
due to
 the lack of knowledge and I believe that government can spread awareness about
this
 topic.
Firstly
, most individuals are very busy with their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, they are so focused on their daily problems that they do not even think about what is happening to the environment.
For example
, most
people
are working
Wrong verb form
work
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 at least 6 to 8 hours a day which is why in their free
time
 they just rest and spend
time
 with their families.
Moreover
, those
people
 do not have enough
time
 to
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
search for the right information about environmental issues and think about what they can do about it.
Secondly
, I think that one thing that can help the most in
this
 situation is if the government will
put
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 more attention to
this
 issue and educate society about
this
.
Furthermore
, if
people
 become more environmentally conscious, they are likely to
put
Verb problem
take
show examples
 more action.
For instance
, most individuals will not find information themselves, and a lot of
time
 the sources are not reliable, which is why it is so crucial to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
people
's awareness. In conclusion, I am convinced that many
people
 will do a lot more to protect the environment if the government will educate society more about
this
 problem, so individuals will be aware of what is going on and what to do in order to help it.
Submitted by maat2074 on

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task response
Inadequate development of ideas in the third paragraph, more specific examples and evidence needed.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Use better paragraphing to organize ideas more effectively.
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