IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

#task2: Many animal species are becoming extinct as a result of human activities. What are the causes and possible solutions to this problem?

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As a result
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 of human ,activities many animals are closer to extinction. The forthcoming essay will discuss the factors and possible solutions to
this
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 situation.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 situation has several reasons.
Firstly
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, the human race is experiencing a boom in population all over the world,
thus
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 leading to the expansion and construction of new cities that take place in animal habitats .
Secondly
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, it is industrial development . Many power plants are built and to accumulate them fossil fuels are needed.
As a result
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 of using them emissions to places
such
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 as lakes , rivers or oceans
along with
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 air pollutants namely carbon dioxide take place .
For example
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, New York. Before New ,York there
have been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 forests and a variety of animals, but with the
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
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, all was gone . To prevent wildlife creatures from extinction numerous measures should be taken . To illustrate ,
it is clear that
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 the expansion of the cities can not be stopped ,
however
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, to prevent the loss of habitats all or the vast majority of these points
along with
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 should be saved by building national parks as a matter of course Yellowstone in America . Another solution is replacing old resources and placing them in new ones .
For instance
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, nuclear, sun , hydro or wind power sources that have no pollutants after them .
As a consequence
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 , vulnerable places for animals will be saved
To sum up
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 , wildlife is under big threat because of the human race and many measures
in particular
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 utilising new energy sources should be taken.

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task response
The essay provides a partial response to the task question, but lacks depth and coherence in presenting the causes and solutions to the problem of animal extinction related to human activities. In the future, ensure to fully address all aspects of the task and provide a more comprehensive analysis and exploration of the issues.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates basic coherence and cohesion, but there are clear deficiencies in the logical structure and development of ideas. More attention should be given to the organization of information, including the use of appropriate linking devices and the development of a clear introduction and conclusion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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