The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australian water consumption for last year. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given bar chart illustrates the average Australian
water
usage in Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, and
Canberra
. Meanwhile, the pie chart portrays the
distribution
of Australian
water
utilization for agriculture, mining, household,
water
supply, sewage, drainage, manufacturing, electricity and gas supply, and other industries in 2014.
Overall
, the highest average consumption was witnessed by Perth, and the lowest is in
Canberra
.
Moreover
, the biggest
distribution
in 2014 was for agriculture, and the lowest was for mining.
To begin
with, Perth experienced the highest consumption at 300
kilolitres
last
year. Meanwhile,
Canberra
had the lowest amount, around 150
kilolitres
.
Furthermore
, Brisbane used 250
kilolitres
, Adelaide around 240, followed by Sydney at 200, and
Canberra
at approximately 150
kilolitres
.
In addition
, the highest
water
distribution
in Australia was Agriculture at 67%, and mining got less
water
at 2%. Australian families get 9% of the
distribution
.
In addition
, The
distribution
of
Water
supply, sewage, and drainage at 7%, the number same as electricity and gas supply.
Finally
, 5% of the
distribution
was for manufacturing and other industries.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, canberra, distribution, kilolitres with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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