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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Many men and women are making the decision to have children later in life. Why is this trend occurring? What are the impacts of this development on both family and society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#topic #men #women #decision #children #life #trend #impacts #development #society
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A trend has been observed that in a number of couples, people decide to postpone the decision to
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a
baby
. There are several reasons for
this
 which are related to lack of free
time
 or the impossibility
to make
Change preposition
of making
show examples
 progress in a career. I believe that
this
 has a negative influence on family and social plans. The foremost reason for
this
 plan, as previously mentioned is associated with difficulties
to build
Change preposition
in building
show examples
 a career. Mothers have to interrupt their jobs in the first two years of the upbringing of their children.
As a result
, during
this
time
 a lot of skills are lost, and the previous position in the corporation is taken by someone else.
In addition
 to that, raising a
baby
 requires sacrifices, permanent focus and implicit less free
time
. Throughout that period parents have less
time
 for leisure or hobbies, and
this
 idea discourages them
to have
Change preposition
from having
show examples
 a
baby
.
Overall
,
this
 seems to be a drawback for society. A low rate of birth will generate an
overall
 ageing population
that is
 based on consumerism rather than production. The rate of natality is crucial for certain places which suffer from a lack of workforce. More employees pay more taxes and contribute to economic power.
Furthermore
, a family who decides to bear a
baby
 over
plus
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
40 years old will face serious troubles in socialization with children during life, because the way of thinking is completely different. In conclusion, the decision to have a child later in life is a controversial thing, which has both supporters and opponents.
While
this
 might not be good for society or family unit,it has some positive effects on the possibility
to make
Change preposition
of making
show examples
 progress on the social ladder.
Submitted by iftenevlad on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas more coherently.
task achievement
Provide more complete and comprehensive ideas related to the topic, with relevant and specific examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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