IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Using cellular
phones
Use synonyms
 hours a day
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 some
children
Use synonyms
 has either advantages or disadvantages. I do agree that it contributes to drawbacks
instead
Linking Words
 of benefits.
Due to
Linking Words
 the technology
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 it is inevitable that
children
Use synonyms
 tend to use their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 a lot more than in the past. Allocating time usage in order to limit the drawbacks of the radiation
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their eyes could be a wise way without confiscating
children
Use synonyms
’s rights.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the reason why
children
Use synonyms
 seem to use their
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 much more is because of the necessity to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their responsibility as a student,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 to be literate to support their sources regarding their homework. Interestingly, the trustworthy sources in the search engine are from journals, scientific research, etc which mostly are not using their own mother tongue. It may contribute students to
master
Wrong verb form
mastering
show examples
 their English skills. Apart from that, using smartphones shows the tendency for
children
Use synonyms
 to lack less focus in terms of studying because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 the meantime of studying, they use their cellphones not only for educational purposes but
also
Linking Words
 for pampering themself,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 surfing on social media or other platforms.
This
Linking Words
things
Change the determiner
thing
show examples
 happens, because of the addictive effect
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 which are supported with tons of applications on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. As it so, students might be less sociable with
surroundings
Correct pronoun usage
their surroundings
show examples
 either with classmates or with teachers,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
 parties in the school.
In addition
Linking Words
, the effectiveness of using smartphones regarding their study intention may lead to missed interpretation. All in all, I do believe that using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 appears to show their drawbacks more
instead
Linking Words
 of the benefit.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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