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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The visual representation provides information about the police budget in 2017 and 2018 in an area of Britain. The given data is in
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
, and it reveals
both
Use synonyms
 the source of the income and the expenses.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are 3 main categories of the budget source. The amount of money coming from the National
Goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 had inclined
slighty
Correct your spelling
slightly
, from 175.5 to 177.8
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the second group, which is the Local Taxes, had an even bigger improvement. The money allocated to the Police Budget increased from 91.2 to 102.3
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Other Sources happened to be steady in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, only
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
approximate
Change the word
approximately
show examples
 half a
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
 were added to the
last
Linking Words
Use synonyms
years
Change to a genitive case
year's
years'
show examples
 value.
As a result
Linking Words
, the 3 categories added up to a total of 318.6
million
Use synonyms
pounds
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2017 304.7
mill
Change to a plural noun
mills
show examples
, making
this
Linking Words
 a huge rise in terms of money. The expenses are divided into 3 groups. Salaries, which is the biggest fraction in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
, fell down by 6%, which made it to be 69% in 2018.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Technology
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 increased by 6%, with a value of
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
14
Change preposition
of 14
show examples
% of the expenses.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Buildings and transport remained steady, with a value of 17% of
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million, pounds, both, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fiscal allocations
  • Revenue streams
  • Budgetary oversight
  • Expenditure
  • Financial appropriation
  • Government grants
  • Local taxation
  • Operational costs
  • Capital investment
  • Public safety
  • Crime prevention
  • Community policing
  • Resource allocation
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Budgetary constraints
  • Fiscal year
  • Fund disbursement
  • Budget deficit/surplus
  • Trend analysis
  • Financial sustainability
  • Law enforcement funding
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