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Band 4.5

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned others however believe that people should be free to choose sport activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport #activities
Nowadays,
people
 do many
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of sports
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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, money, or passions. There are popular sports like running, cycling, jogging, and swimming. Everyone must have done that at least once in their
life
.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 uncommon physical exercises
such
 as big wave surfing, bull riding, base jumping, or boxing.
High
Add an article
The high
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 injury rate
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year made it classified as dangerous and some
people
 agree it should be forbidden. In my opinion, I disagree with that idea and
this
 essay will explain my point of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
. Some
people
 would agree with that thought because they
are really care
Change the verb form
really care
show examples
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the person they loved. They want to make sure their kids, parents, wife or husband have a beautiful
life
, a healthy body and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 injured
due to
 doing their hobbies. If someone got injured, it may need a lot of money to take care of and definitely need
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 for recovery. But despite the facts, most
people
 including me believe it is one of the ways to live our
life
. We need some
adrenalines
Correct your spelling
adrenaline
 and escape from our routines. Those unusual sports made us enjoy our
life
 and be
blessing
Change the form of the verb
blessed
show examples
 for having another day to live and having a beautiful family around us. We believe it helps us to release our
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
show examples
 and negative minds. As long as we use protections, the professionals
acompanies
Correct your spelling
accompanies
companies
 us, and have knowledge about it, everything will be fine.
To sum up
,
people
 who choose those risky actions should be careful, have evaluated the protocol, and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 more time to learn. So, after doing that they can go home and meet with their family who are waiting for them.
Submitted by claudia.anggreacia on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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