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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.

The pie chart below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years.
#show #comparison #kinds #energy #production #france #two #years
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The given two pie charts compare 5 kinds of production of energy including coal, gas,
petro
Correct your spelling
petrol
, other,
nuclear
Correct word choice
and nuclear
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 in France in two different years.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportion of petro experienced a considerable fall,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure for coal, gas, other and nuclear rise over the given two
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
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. In 1995, 29,27%of
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
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produce
Replace the word
production
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 rate went on
petro
Change the capitalization
Petro
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 which has the largest pie
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chart.
Hovewer
Correct your spelling
However
, by 2005,
this
Linking Words
 figure had
decrease
Change the verb form
decreased
show examples
 almost the 20%. During the decade, the demand for coal experienced a
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 increase from 29,80% to 30,93%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in terms of gas, the proportion of
Linking Words
this energy goods
Change the determiner
these energy goods
show examples
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
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 category made up
29,63%in
Correct your spelling
29,63% in
 1995, after 10 years
this
Linking Words
 figure saw a little change to 30.33%. The smallest proportion of the chart belonging to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 in the first year, and there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase from 4.90% to 9.10%.In
sense
Correct article usage
the sense
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 of
this
Linking Words
, the nuclear category
rise
Change the verb form
rises
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 to roughly 4%.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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