IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The two charts show information about the college graduate and postgraduate students who did not go to full-time jobs and instead they were busy with other activities in 2008

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The following two charts give clear information concerning the number of individuals, who were busy with a certain amount of work
instead
Linking Words
 of being employed full-time after graduating the college in 2008. It is apparent from the data provided in the charts that both graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 were more likely to continue their studies in the particular spheres,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least amount of
students
Use synonyms
 of each type had a fancy for being busy with Voluntary work (29,665 and 2,725 individuals, respectively)
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as the number of graduate
students
Use synonyms
 was considerably more than the second type, there can be seen no noticeable differences between the rates of both part-time job and unemployment sections, relatively. By way of conclusion, a majority of
students
Use synonyms
 of both types preferred to continue the performance in the sphere of education rather than the other ones ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 the least quantity of them determined to choose the Voluntary work.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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