IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some feel that cities shold be designed to be beautiful while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

It is widely believed that the proper structuring of a
city
Use synonyms
 is significant in urban planning.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the breathtaking appearance of
buildings
Use synonyms
 is important, others opine that their purpose
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is crucial. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both of these viewpoints and argue in favour of the
letter
Use the right word
latter
show examples
. On the one hand, attractive
city
Use synonyms
 structures have a myriad of advantages.
Firstly
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, the more beautiful the urban areas are
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
the more possibility of attracting
people
Use synonyms
.
This
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 implies that if
sky-scrapers
Use the right word
skyscrapers
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 are planned
according to
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state-of-art
Use the right word
state-of-the-art
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 designs, many
people
Use synonyms
 are impressed to visit in terms of tourism, and
can be accumulated
Correct word order
apply
show examples
a high rate of local income
.
Correct word order
can be accumulated.
show examples
For example
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, even though Dubai is situated in a desert country, it has become a popular tourist destination for its glamorous construction.
Hence
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, some individuals tend to believe that the
city
Use synonyms
's appearance is required to be illustrated by its plan.
On the other hand
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, it is paramount to consider the functions of an urban area during the planning stage. One important factor of
this
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 tendency is the improvement of the living standards of
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
. If cities are developed with appropriate infrastructure facilities
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as highways and energy-saving
buildings
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 are blessed to save time and power during their commute and consumption.
Moreover
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, the availability of
buildings
Use synonyms
 in a
city
Use synonyms
 that can resist the variations of climate is significantly
important more
Correct word order
more important
show examples
 than the outlook. Countries like Japan and Korea already have successfully developed modern
buildings
Use synonyms
 to resist tsunamis
as well as
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 earthquakes
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 many believe the functionality of the
city
Use synonyms
 design is paramount. In my opinion,
albeit
Change preposition
although
show examples
 the attraction of urban areas is economically advantageous, it is more important to have building planning based on practical usage since those
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
 the day-to-day lives of citizens. In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 advocate the beauty of the cities
while
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 others consider the importance of building functions
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
However
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, in my perception, the functionality of an urban building is potentially more important than anything else.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a short intro, then two body parts for each view, and finish with your own view.
coherence
Link ideas. Use words like First, On the one hand, On the other hand, In addition, Therefore.
grammar
Use plain grammar. Check that a sentence has a subject and a verb.
development
Make ideas clear with examples. Add a fact or a simple example for each point.
vocabulary
Fix word use. Do not use long or hard words. Use common ones from everyday talk.
task response strength
The view is clear at the end.
coherence
The essay gives both sides and a real example (Dubai).
language control
Text is easy to read and flow is good.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aesthetic appeal
  • Cultural heritage
  • Infrastructure
  • Urban planning
  • Sustainable development
  • Psychological well-being
  • Economic growth
  • Tourism industry
  • Architectural marvels
  • Public spaces
  • Accessibility
  • Environmental impact
  • Residential areas
  • Commercial hubs
  • Green spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: