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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the popularity of Brighton attractions among tourists between 1980 and 2010.

The chart below shows the popularity of Brighton attractions among tourists between 1980 and 2010.
The chart below shows the popularity of
Brighton
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 attractions among tourists between 1980 and 2010. In 1980,
Brighton
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Pier
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 had the lowest acceptance rate of the four attractions at around 10%.
This
Linking Words
compared
Add a missing verb
is compared
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 to about 23% at the
Brighton
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Art
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Gallery
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 and the second most popular venue
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 the
Brighton
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 Pavilion, with about 30% of visited
among
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apply
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tourists. By 2000,
Brighton
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Pier
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attendance
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 increased by 2-3
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percent
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per cent
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. But in 1985
Brighton
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Pier
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 was more popular than
2005
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in 2005
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, showing 50
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percent
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per cent
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 growth.
Art
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Gallery
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 fluctuated between 1980 and 2000 but in general
art
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gallery
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attendance
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 shows
small
Correct article usage
a small
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down trend
Correct your spelling
downtrend
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end
Change preposition
at end
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 of the 2000. The trend for the Festival was similar to the
art
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gallery
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, because
in
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at
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 end of the 2000 shows
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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 in popularity. The most
popularity
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popular
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 in 2000 was
Brighton
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Povilion
Correct your spelling
Pavilion
 with
excellent
Correct article usage
an excellent
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 up trend
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of
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about 10
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 at 25% to 35%. The years 2000 to 2010 were successful for
Brighton
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Pier
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 with double the
attendance
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, at about 12% to 24% approximately. The biggest loss in percentage between 2000 and 2010 was at
art
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Use synonyms
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
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,
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apply
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 because they lost about 13
percent
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.
Brighton
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Povilion
Correct your spelling
Pavilion
loss
Replace the word
lost
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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attendance
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 too, but not more than 6
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The number of tourists who visited the
Brighton
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 Festival fluctuated slightly but in general remained steady at about 25%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words brighton, pier, art, gallery, attendance, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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