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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.

The chart gives information about the average annual water consumption in kilolitre per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for last year, with the pie chart that shows the distribution of Australian water consumption by the year 2014.
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The
chart
Use synonyms
 gives information about the average annual
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in
kilolitre
Fix the agreement mistake
kilolitres
show examples
 per property in Australian cities, namely Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne and Canberra for
last
Linking Words
 year, with the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 that shows the distribution of Australian
water
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 by the year 2014. As is shown from the bar
chart
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the residents in Perth consumed much more
water
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 in comparison with other cities in Australia.The Perth inhabitants demonstrate the highest level in
consumption
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 of
water
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,
while
Linking Words
 people in Canberra show the lowest point in
use
Add an article
the use
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 of
water
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.The other three cities
such
Linking Words
 as Sydney, Adelaide and Brisbane except
from
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
Melbourne illustrate the same results. It can be seen from the pie
chart
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 that
water
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consumption
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 distribution in agriculture indicates the largest proportion among others, with approximately 67 per cent. The figures for Australian
water
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consumption
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 distribution in households,
water
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 supply, sewage and drainage, electricity and gas supply, manufacturing, mining and other industries accounted for around between 9 and 2 per cent.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, water, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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