IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Medical science has greatly lengthened the average lifespan for most people. Some think this is a positive development while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient
while
Linking Words
 nature cures the disease. With the help of advanced medical technology, the lives of
people
Use synonyms
 upsurge, and it is a positive influence
for
Change preposition
on
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 the nation
as well as
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 society. But others think that
results
Correct article usage
the results
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 of
this
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 impact will be dangerous in the future. In the following paragraphs, discuss both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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. On one hand, medical equipment is upgraded day by day, and doctors are able to save the lives of their patients owing to their capability and the latest tools
of
Change preposition
in
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 the medical field.
As a result
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, the average lifespan of
people
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 improves. The impact of increasing the average life of the old
generation
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 was so helpful for society that they transferred good cultural and beneficent knowledge to
young
Add an article
the young
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generation
Use synonyms
. A few years ago, a prestigious survey company said in its report that 80% of experienced and hardworking
people
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 were old. Aged
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 are very essential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies, because they are so responsible and experts in their respective fields, and they help adults with their knowledge and skills.
On the other hand
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, the effect of
this
Linking Words
 technology may increase the
papulation
Correct your spelling
population
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 rate around the world. Many diseases attack
people
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 who live longer than the average life, and the government has
struggles
Wrong verb form
struggled
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 to provide medical assistance and medicine to the elderly.
To conclude
Linking Words
, aged
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 give useful knowledge to the new
generation
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, because they are very experienced. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
companies are preferred the senior person to give his company responsibilities.
However
Linking Words
, one of the major drawbacks is the increasing population rate, and the second is how the government handles the old
generation
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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