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Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan in the year 2009.
#bar #shares #expenditures #five #categories #states #canada #kingdom #japan #year
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The bar chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five major categories(
food
Use synonyms
, housing, transportation, health care and clothing) in the United States,
Canada
Use synonyms
 , the United Kingdom and
Japan
Use synonyms
 in the year 2009. Units are measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the countries spent most of their money on housing,
food
Use synonyms
 and transportation. The US and
UK
Use synonyms
 had the highest shares of expenditures in housing. In terms of
food
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, the United States spent about 13% shares on
this
Linking Words
 as opposed to exactly 15% in
Use synonyms
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 had about 21% and
Japan
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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appeared to
spent
Change the verb
spend
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 the most money on
food
Use synonyms
 which was just about 23%.
Next,
Linking Words
the USA had the highest percentage in housing (26%) followed by the
UK
Use synonyms
 (24%).
Then
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Japan
Use synonyms
 was at ( 22%) compared with
Use synonyms
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
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 which stood at ( 21%).
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the number of
transportation
Replace the word
transports
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 more variable as
Use synonyms
canada
Change the capitalization
Canada
show examples
 was at (20%), just above the USA at (19%) and
Japan
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 and
Uk
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 were lower at (15% and 10%) respectively. Expenditures on health care
ranges
Change the verb form
range
show examples
 from a low of (3%) in the
UK
Use synonyms
Submitted by pauly837 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, canada, japan, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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