some prople argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.

#prople #job #money #salary #life

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

People

Use synonyms

have a different view about earning

money

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

and

show examples

enjoyable

work

Use synonyms

than

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

paid a lot.Some

people

Use synonyms

believe that it is more significant to have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

delightful

work

Use synonyms

than to get a lot of

money

Use synonyms

.Other

people

Use synonyms

disagree and assume that a high income

lead

Change the verb form

leads

show examples

greater

Fix the agreement mistake

a better

show examples

life. The main reason job satisfaction is so important is that it gives

people

Use synonyms

a sense of satisfaction that

money

Use synonyms

cannot guarantee.Even if someone receives a high salary, but feels stressed and unhappy,

such

Linking Words

a person cannot enjoy life.

For example

Linking Words

, the artist enjoys the process of painting pictures and does not always get enough

money

Use synonyms

. I make it clear that I agree with

this

Linking Words

view

about

Change preposition

that

show examples

getting a high salary is better

rather

Rephrase

apply

show examples

than working on

delightful

Add an article

the delightful

a delightful

show examples

job,because there is

such

Linking Words

a thing as

need

Wrong verb form

needed

show examples

. So if the salary is good,

then

Linking Words

why not

work

Use synonyms

Change the punctuation

show examples

Considering that everyone has high living expenses.You have to pay taxes,

utilities

Correct word choice

and utilities

show examples

buy

Correct word choice

and buy

show examples

clothes and food.

For instance

Linking Words

Correct word choice

if an

show examples

individual works in an office, a person does not like

work

Use synonyms

, but he has to cover his expenses since he assumed obligations.Even if the

money

Use synonyms

does not go to use, it will be possible to cover the need with it. In conclusion,I think that the choice is up to each person. It is better to

work

Use synonyms

at a pleasant job

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

get less, and be happy.

Submitted by aishushka2002 on Sat Jun 24 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

The essay does not fully address the task and lacks a clear position on the topic. The arguments are not fully developed or supported with relevant examples. Overall, the essay lacks depth and fails to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay lacks a clear logical structure and coherence. The ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, and the connection between the introduction, body, and conclusion is weak. Additionally, the examples provided are not well-developed and do not effectively support the main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

226 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Nowadays, people are moving to other countries to seek jobs. Some people think it affects the children of such home negativity while some others think it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion
In our generation, it is believed by a contemporary group of individuals that settling to other states for finding vacancies is harmful for their children while others assume that it affects them positively. I will give my opinion and discuss both points of views in this essay.
7
band
Some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has a damaging effect on society. While others believe that these don’t have an influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?
Few Individuals argue that the action and violence shown In films and digital games have a negative impact on people. On the other hand, others think that this type of content does not affect their actions. This essay will discuss both the views as well as give my opinion in upcoming paragraphs.
4.5
band
It is important to give children to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea
Some people believe that we should allows children to make their own decesion and be more independent at young age.Whereas others do not believe with the nation. In my opinion, I believe that children at young age needs adults obeservation and there are still unable to make a serious lives decisions.
5
band
Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
If someone asks children what do they usually do during their free time, most children will answer they do everything by smartphone. Such as playing a game, watching YouTube and using social media like Instagram or Twitter. This phenomenon became too common now, but I think it's negative and we need to change this tendency in a different way.
5
band
A government has a responsbility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some poeple think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree ?
There is an ongoing debate about whether governments ought to prevent their population due to their responsibility by reducing social activities in public. Therefore, some people advocate that they do not have to lessen leisure activities in public in order to protect the crowd, yet others are no of strong belief about that matter. This essay strongly agrees with the opinion and considers that lessening activities is necessary to conserve people.

some prople argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.

Your opinion

Nowadays, people are moving to other countries to seek jobs. Some people think it affects the children of such home negativity while some others think it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion

Some people believe that the violence shown in movies and video games has a damaging effect on society. While others believe that these don’t have an influence on people’s behaviour. What is your opinion?

It is important to give children to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

A government has a responsbility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some poeple think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree ?