some prople argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.

People
have a different view about earning
money
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
enjoyable
work
than
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
paid a lot.Some
people
believe that it is more significant to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
delightful
work
than to get a lot of
money
.Other
people
disagree and assume that a high income
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to
greater
Fix the agreement mistake
a better
show examples
life.  The main reason job satisfaction is so important is that it gives
people
a sense of satisfaction that
money
cannot guarantee.Even if someone receives a high salary, but feels stressed and unhappy,
such
a person cannot enjoy life.
For example
, the artist enjoys the process of painting pictures and does not always get enough
money
. I make it clear that I agree with
this
view
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
getting a high salary is better
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than working on
delightful
Add an article
the delightful
a delightful
show examples
job,because there is
such
a thing as
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
. So if the salary is good,
then
why not
work
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Considering that everyone has high living expenses.You have to pay taxes,
utilities
Correct word choice
and utilities
show examples
,
buy
Correct word choice
and buy
show examples
clothes and food.
For instance
,
an
Correct word choice
if an
show examples
individual works in an office, a person does not like
work
, but he has to cover his expenses since he assumed obligations.Even if the
money
does not go to use, it will be possible to cover the need with it. In conclusion,I think that the choice is up to each person. It is better to
work
at a pleasant job
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
get less, and be happy.
Submitted by aishushka2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay does not fully address the task and lacks a clear position on the topic. The arguments are not fully developed or supported with relevant examples. Overall, the essay lacks depth and fails to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and coherence. The ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, and the connection between the introduction, body, and conclusion is weak. Additionally, the examples provided are not well-developed and do not effectively support the main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: