IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think it is better for children to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe that it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vocations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #holidays #year #vocations
It is
arguing
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 by some masses that heir can possess a plethora of short holidays during the academic annual,
while
 others reckon that offsprings need
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
breaks
 but require a long period of
time
. In
this
 essay, I will be implementing the grounds of both notions and providing my prospect. To commence with, there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
myriad of reasons why scholars need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short
breaks
 a score of
time
 in a year.
Initially
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short
breaks
 are essential to destress from the study burden. To elaborate, sometimes
children
 feel
stress
 when they
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
show examples
 follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
monotonous routine;
therefore
 sometimes
this
stress
impede
Change the verb form
impedes
show examples
 them
to
Change preposition
from
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 make
proper
Change the word
properly
show examples
concentration
Replace the word
concentrating
show examples
 on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the School Board of Asia in which they analyzed the
stress
 level in
children
 augmented by 12% in 2023
then
 back in 2010 because of arise
studies
Change preposition
in studies
show examples
 pressure.
Hence
, short
breaks
 are much needed to unwind from study
stress
 and
burout
Correct your spelling
burnout
.
On the contrary
, some folks contend that long
breaks
 are much
Correct quantifier usage
more benefical
show examples
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
children
. First and foremost, they believe that long
breaks
 are helpful to take some vocational courses. To illustrate, many
children
 prefer to take some extra curriculum courses in their free
time
 and long
breaks
 will give them an efficient
time
 to pursue these courses.
For example
, In
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
atitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
of
Change preposition
toward
show examples
scior
Correct your spelling
scissor
 like painting course
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their summer vacation
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to create a new hobby and use their leisure
time
 wisely. In
this
 way, many
children
 can learn hands-on skills in their quality
time
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 the significance of short and long
breaks
 can not be denied.
Desipte
Correct your spelling
Despite
this
, the education system has to make a suitable balance between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short and long holidays.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

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