IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think it is better for children to have many short holidays during the year. Others believe that it would be beneficial to have fewer, longer vocations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #holidays #year #vocations
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It is
arguing
Wrong verb form
argued
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 by some masses that heir can possess a plethora of short holidays during the academic annual,
while
Linking Words
 others reckon that offsprings need
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
breaks
Use synonyms
 but require a long period of
time
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 essay, I will be implementing the grounds of both notions and providing my prospect. To commence with, there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
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myriad of reasons why scholars need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short
breaks
Use synonyms
 a score of
time
Use synonyms
 in a year.
Initially
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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short
breaks
Use synonyms
 are essential to destress from the study burden. To elaborate, sometimes
children
Use synonyms
 feel
stress
Use synonyms
 when they
continue
Add the particle
tocontinue
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 follow
the
Correct article usage
apply
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monotonous routine;
therefore
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 sometimes
this
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stress
Use synonyms
impede
Change the verb form
impedes
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 them
to
Change preposition
from
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 make
proper
Change the word
properly
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concentration
Replace the word
concentrating
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 on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by the School Board of Asia in which they analyzed the
stress
Use synonyms
 level in
children
Use synonyms
 augmented by 12% in 2023
then
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 back in 2010 because of arise
studies
Change preposition
in studies
show examples
 pressure.
Hence
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, short
breaks
Use synonyms
 are much needed to unwind from study
stress
Use synonyms
 and
burout
Correct your spelling
burnout
.
On the contrary
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, some folks contend that long
breaks
Use synonyms
 are much
Correct quantifier usage
more benefical
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benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for
children
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, they believe that long
breaks
Use synonyms
 are helpful to take some vocational courses. To illustrate, many
children
Use synonyms
 prefer to take some extra curriculum courses in their free
time
Use synonyms
 and long
breaks
Use synonyms
 will give them an efficient
time
Use synonyms
 to pursue these courses.
For example
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, In
india
Change the capitalization
India
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a
Change the article
an
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atitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
of
Change preposition
toward
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scior
Correct your spelling
scissor
 like painting course
in
Change preposition
during
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 their summer vacation
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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help
Change the verb form
helps
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 to create a new hobby and use their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 wisely. In
this
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 way, many
children
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 can learn hands-on skills in their quality
time
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. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
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 the significance of short and long
breaks
Use synonyms
 can not be denied.
Desipte
Correct your spelling
Despite
this
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, the education system has to make a suitable balance between
the
Correct article usage
apply
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short and long holidays.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

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