IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #history #world
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Many people opine that having a better
graps
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grasp
 of
knowledge
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 about local
history
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 is more imperative than that about
world
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history
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.
While
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 I accept that it is necessary to study about
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history
Add an article
the history
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 of their own nation, I believe that it is wise to gain insights
about
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into
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 the
history
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 of the
world
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. On the one hand, learning about local
history
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 helps school children value their present peaceful life and
and
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apply
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appreciate their ancestors’
effort
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efforts
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 more. To gain
the
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apply
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independence as nowadays, each country had to surpass thousands of years
in
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of
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 war fighting for its peace. The young generation
need
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needs
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 to know the events that lead to what they can have today.
Therefore
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, they can feel grateful for the blood, tears and sweat of many generations to establish their country. Students will be fostered in themselves the appreciation for their
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history
Replace the word
historical
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 backgrounds and the love for their deep heritage and nation.
As a result
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, they will be motivated to become better and carry on the responsibilities of protecting the boundaries of their regions.
On the other hand
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, expanding students’
knowledge
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to
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of
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the
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apply
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history
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 worldwide is
also
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of
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apply
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importance
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important
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.
Firstly
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, studying
this
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 provides children with a comprehensive
knowledge
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 of the
world
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 establishment. The sheer insights about their local
history
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 might give them biased
knowledge
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. Looking at the picture as a whole will help young pupils to have their own judgement and justify
which
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what
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 is right and wrong.
Moreover
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, understanding
about
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apply
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the
world
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 will facilitate
young
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the young
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 generation to become global
citizen
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citizens
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.
A vast
Remove the article
Vast knowledge
A piece of vast knowledge
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knowledge
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about
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of
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the
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apply
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world
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 events enriches their
understandings
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understanding
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 of different countries’ cultural and historical heritage.
This
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 equips children with life experience to live in any country. In conclusion, it is certainly true that local
history
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 is of
essence
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the essence
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 to study but knowing about
the
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apply
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world
Use synonyms
history
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 is
not
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no
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 less important.
Submitted by dangkimngan19062001 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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