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Band 4.5

Now a lot of people in the college are doing academic study, we should encourage them to learn a vocational skill like plumber, electrician. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #college #study #skill #plumber #electrician
Academics
 are given much more importance these days,
instead
 of learning other
skills
 like plumbing, beautician etcetera. I think we should encourage students to learn these
skills
instead
 of only focusing on Science
, Mathematics
Correct your spelling
and mathematics
. These extra
skills
 can be helpful in their future to get good
jobs
 and sometimes can be helpful in opening their own businesses. There is a reason why people ask their children to choose
academics
to study
Verb problem
rather
show examples
 than vocational
skills
.
Firstly
,
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of
jobs
 are highly paid
jobs
 and every parent thinks that their children should earn and get more success in their life.
For example
, doctors these days are earning so much and living their life in a lavish lifestyle.
However
, the job scenarios should be changed that should not be based on
academics
 but should be based on a
person
's experience. It may be possible that a
person
 is not good in
academics
 but he has great practical
skills
 in certain areas like plumbing, and electrics. So it is important that job criteria should be changed, so people's mentality.
Moreover
, the extra
skills
 are very
Correct word choice
important
show examples
for a
person
 in his/her future. A
person
 can pursue their career with those
skills
 and can open his own business and there is no comparison between having his own business with doing a job for someone.
For instance
, we have seen a
person
 who does
jobs
 are not financially stable as compared to the one who is running his own company. So, it is important that
person
 can learn
such
skills
 whenever get the time and
also
 need to prioritize over
the
Change the word
their
her
his
show examples
 studies.
This
 will make a
person
 extraordinary from all others. To put it in a nutshell, I
pen down
Verb problem
am
show examples
 saying, it is good to learn
academics
, but we should encourage children to participate in extracurricular activities so that they can make them their hobbies and make their career in it.
Submitted by shikha_dhingra on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction should clearly state the writer's opinion and provide a brief preview of the main points to be discussed.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the task. The writer should express a clear opinion and provide specific examples to support it.

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