IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
Some people
have known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 that free charges of community services should be involved in high school programmes as a compulsory part like working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to the youth. First of all, it should be a compulsory part in my point of view and I agree. There are a lot of people in the world who cannot
effort
Verb problem
afford
show examples
 the money for education and other fields.
Secondly
, sharing is caring.
Therefore
, society should be aware to help and be kind to each other. The individuals will have to know their neighbours' economic, education, social status and so on. In
this
 situation, the community can not pay attention all the time
while
 they have their own problems.
Nevertheless
, there is one solution to that situation. The government will have to input and plan the unpaid services in the high school programmes. The students will receive the knowledge and advantages of working together during a charity. It looks like killing two birds with one stone. Students will
also
 have the benefits of playing sports.
Additionally
, they will know how to share and teach sports to others by
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
show examples
 in voluntary. By making like
this
, the crowd will develop knowledge and education from an individual, group, society to the whole
although
 they do not possess enough charges. After thoroughly delving into the subject, I have come to the conclusion that I will be the one who agrees that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes.
Submitted by cherrynyunt9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion. This will help the reader understand your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay. This can include synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and academic phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. This will help improve the clarity and accuracy of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: