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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories from 1995-2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the total number of
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls in the minute in three different categories namely, local, national and international, and mobiles in
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
 of 8
years
Use synonyms
 from 1995 to 2002 in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
, the local
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls had the highest amount
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all time.
However
Linking Words
, the
trend
Use synonyms
 of it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 was not upward in all
years
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the mobiles
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mobiles
Change the noun form
mobile
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 was upward, it had the least ratio.
Also
Linking Words
, the
trend
Use synonyms
 of national and international calls
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as the mobiles. In 1995 local
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 about 70
billion
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
 which was doubled from national and international calls. After 4
years
Use synonyms
,
telephone
Use synonyms
 calls reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
its pick 90
billion
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those
years
Use synonyms
 national calls rose slightly and reached 50
billion
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
. After 1999,
upward
Add an article
the upward
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 continued and in 2002 reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
it pick about 60
billion
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
. But, local calls started to decrease and in three
years
Use synonyms
 about 20
billion
Use synonyms
 calls fell. Mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 in 1995, had the least ratio under 5
billion
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
. The
trend
Use synonyms
 of that was upward.
Although
Linking Words
 from 1995 to 1998 rose slightly, from 1999 to 2002 increased sharply and each year almost 5 to 10
billion
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
added
Add a missing verb
were added
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, and in 2002 the total number of mobile calls reached more
than40
Correct your spelling
than 40
billion
Use synonyms
minutes
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words telephone, years, trend, billion, minutes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • total number of minutes
  • telephone calls
  • categories
  • local – fixed line
  • national and international – fixed line
  • mobiles
  • general trend
  • yearly totals
  • significant changes
  • milestones
  • data
  • rise significantly
  • decline
  • steady increase
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • exponential growth
  • over the period
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