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Band 7

Public health systems should provide better services for those who willing to pay more money ? To what extand do you agree or disagree.

#health #systems #services #money #extand
The costs of running health
facilities
 experience consistent growth,
while
 some suggest that additional income sources could be used to advance the equipment for treatment that could benefit all patients, I strongly disagree with
such
 suggestions since it could invade the human right to be treated equally in the hospital. On the one hand, healthcare
facilities
 could benefit from people who are willing to trade in more money for the perks of convenience, including staying in single
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
 in
hospitals
 or having more options for meals. Since the side income could be used to advance
facilities
as well as
 hire more workers.
For example
, compared to public
hospitals
, private ones are able to introduce more updated treatments and provide better wages for their employees.
On the other hand
, I am in favour of the idea that anyone in public health systems should be treated equally, it ensures the basic right of humans. Take the Red Cross, which is a non-profit organisation as an example, the members help residents in underdeveloped and developing countries for free to reduce the population who died from diseases that could be easily cured with modern pharmacy technologies. On top of that,
hospitals
 are not commercial institutions driven by profit, providing different treatments based on the price could provoke discrimination.
For example
, in some
hospitals
 in China, since there are too many patients on the waiting list to see doctors, some of them will bribe the workers for earlier treatment. To summarise, there are pros and cons derived from providing better treatments in public health care systems for those who are able to afford higher fees. I strongly disagree with
such
 countermeasures, despite the additional revenue that could be used to upgrade the
facilities
 in the hospital, it could cause more negative effects in the long term.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task response
Ensure a clear and strong thesis statement that directly addresses the question. Develop your ideas and provide specific examples to support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Add a more comprehensive introduction that introduces the topic and provides a clear overview of your position. Ensure a strong conclusion that restates your position and summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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